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Table of Contents
THE FOOTBALL PLAYER AND THE CHURCH LADY
THE MECHANIC & THE LUBE JOB
THE LOVELY LINDA CUMMINGS
WHAT THE BABYSITTER TAUGHT ME
THE COCAINE, THE COUGAR AND THE CAB DRIVER
FROM THE WINDOW TO THE HALL
HAPPY ENDINGS AT THE HAIR SALON
MY NAME IS CHARLIE, AND I’M A COUGAR ADDICT
SUPER SWEET SIXTEEN
THE GRATEFUL COUGAR
THE TEACHER’S PET
HOT NIGHTS IN SAVANNAH
BIG AND BOSSY
ONE POLE, TWO FISH
UNDER THE SHEETS MERGER
BETHANY F**KING CUNNINGTON
LET’S WORK OUT
TURNING UP THE WATTS
THE PINK COUGAR
THE CUBAN COUGAR TO DIE FOR
ODE TO A PORN STAR
DO YOU KNOW WHY I PULLED YOU OVER?
RULE #1: DON’T BANG THE CLIENTS
THE COUGAR COMPLEX
PENNY STRIKES BACK
THE RETURN OF PENNY
HER BEST STUDENT
CHAOTIC MEMORIES OF SEX IN THE BAR
CRAZY IN GUAM
MY FRIEND’S MOM
ALL FOR THE GAME
THE YOGA TEACHER
FROM DAUGHTER TO MOM
IN LOVE WITH A STRIPPER
THE EIFFEL TOWER
THE HOMELESS HANDYMAN
The Cougar Complex is both a study of men that have had sexual encounters with older women and a collection of their true-life stories. The first part of this book discusses how I coined the term “cougar complex” and the fascinating results of a survey of the men that participated. The second part of the book is a collection of salacious stories.
The stories you are about to read, are to the best of my knowledge, true sexual encounters from the perspective of the men that dated older women. If you are just interested in steamy, sexual encounters, skip Part 1 and turn to Part 2. Then, once you’ve read the stories, you can come back to Part 1 to learn about the growing phenomenon of what I call the “cougar complex” and the implications to society going forward.
I like to call the stories “Chicken Soup for the Cougar,” because like the Chicken Soup series, these are short stories that are fun to read and often have a lesson to share. As the mores of our society have changed over the years, we are more accepting of couples of varying ages, races and sexes. While we may be more accepting of couples many years apart, over the long-term they face definite challenges.
When I did some research on the modern-day usage of “cougar” I found primarily articles that focused on women that were predators (like the animal cougar). Most of the articles were from the female viewpoint – the wink-wink sexy older woman attracting a younger man. While a great deal has been written from the perspective of the older woman, I found a dearth of articles from the male perspective.
The word “cougar” has two meanings. The first is “a large American wild cat with a plain tawny to grayish coat, found from Canada to Patagonia.” However, the second is probably what first comes to mind when one hears the word “cougar.” – “an older woman seeking a sexual relationship with a younger man.”
A true cougar is a woman who is forty years old or older who exclusively pursues younger men for fun, flings, or relationships. Cougars are skilled hunters and the association of the animal would naturally connote a woman that is aggressive and skilled at getting her prey.
According to Urban Dictionary, “cougar” is one of the most misused classifications of the 21st century. A cougar specifically refers to a lady between the ages of 40 and 49 who prefers much younger men. She becomes a jaguar in her fifties, a panther in her sixties, a cheetah in her seventies, a leopard in her eighties, a tiger in her nineties, and if she’s still on the hunt and over 100 years old (God bless her soul), she is a lioness.
I like to use a broader definition of “cougar” as a woman who is ten or more years older than her male partner. Some consider cougar a derogatory term. Today, more people are accepting that not only are women attracted to younger men, but young men are now actually looking for older women.
The word “complex” has a number of meanings. The meaning used in “The Cougar Complex’ is a related group of emotionally significant ideas that are completely or partly repressed and that cause psychic conflict leading to abnormal mental states or behavior.
The Cougar Complex is a term that applies to men that exclusively desire relationships with women ten or more years older than they are. It could be related to the Oedipus Complex since women that are older are often of the same age group as the male’s mother.
An Oedipus complex, in psychoanalytic theory, is a desire for sexual involvement with the parent of the opposite sex and a concomitant sense of rivalry with the parent of the same sex: a crucial stage in the normal developmental process. Sigmund Freud introduced the concept in his Interpretation of Dreams (1899). The term derives from the Theban hero Oedipus of Greek legend, who unknowingly slew his father and married his mother; its female analogue, the Electra complex, is named for another mythological figure, who helped slay her mother.
Freud believed the Oedipus complex to affect children between the ages of about three to five. He said the stage usually ended when the child identified with the parent of the same sex and repressed its sexual instincts. If relationships with the parents are relatively loving and non-traumatic, and if parental attitudes are neither excessively prohibitive nor excessively stimulating, the stage is passed through innocuously. In the presence of trauma, however, there occurs an “infantile neurosis” that is an important forerunner of similar reactions during the child’s adult life. The superego, the moral factor that dominates the conscious adult mind, also has its origin in the process of overcoming the Oedipus complex. Freud considered the reactions against the Oedipus complex to be one of the most important developments of the human psyche.
Is it normal to desire older women to the exclusion of women one’s own age? If a young man desires marriage and children, then dating older women would not be on the radar. But if men don’t want children and they find women their own age unattractive from a personality standpoint, then dating older women offers many benefits over a relationship with a woman their own age or younger.
Men that date cougars are invariably single or divorced. Their desire for older women suggests that they are not interested in having children. Since we now see a younger generation less interested in marriage and having children, it makes sense that a young man would like to date a woman that can’t get pregnant and doesn’t want to get married.
Why do young men desire cougars? When I asked women, they invariably said, “That’s easy. They want a sugar momma.” Surprisingly, I did not find that opinion supported by the stories from the men. Not all of the men surveyed had a “cougar complex,” just a cougar experience. But I did find some men that only dated cougars. The advantages of dating older women led them to prefer cougars over women their own age. When you read the stories, you will find that even if the men had limited dating of cougars, they did enjoy and learn from the experience(s).
The cougar phenomenon is becoming more commonplace. There is a rising trend of mature women between forty and sixty going out with men who are at least ten years their junior. The numbers of cougars are growing as many modern career women, who spent their prime years focusing on their jobs and neglecting their romantic life, start looking for serious love. Some might have had marriages or long-term relationships ruined by that same career-focused mentality, and are now pursuing a second chance in love.
Young men are increasingly seeking out older women who are more experienced in the bedroom and more likely to be financially stable and able to mentor their younger partner, sharing life and business experiences with them.
An older woman may be more relaxed and emotionally stable, and therefore able to accept and adjust to challenges in the relationship. The older woman knows what she wants in life while the younger man brings youth, vibrancy and vitality.
The Cougar Complex will only grow as the U.S. population on average becomes older. Men that want cougars do so because they respect older women that know who they are and what they want in life. Women can be more uninhibited sexually and enjoy taking charge in the “me too” era in which women are no longer subservient to men and are increasingly demanding equality.
Japan has the world’s oldest population and the elderly are treated with the utmost respect. They even have a “Respect for the Aged Day.” Starting in 2030, when all boomers will be older than 65, older Americans will make up 21% of the population, up from 15% today. By 2060, nearly one in four Americans will be 65 years and older, the number of 85-plus will triple, and the country will add a half million centenarians.
Sex is an important part of the lives of older people, and a part that probably doesn’t get the attention it deserves. Sex is not just for the young. According to a recent survey, 40% of U.S. adults ages 65-80 say they are having sex and even more of them, 73%, are satisfied with their sex lives.